Breaking

Sincerely…

Woman / August 30, 2011

I have a confession.

Don’t judge me.

Seriously, you can’t. It’s just not fair.

So here it goes…

I was quite the worry wart as of recent. The last year of my life has been the equivalent to…damn it I don’t even know what to compare it to.

Epic, okay? It’s been epic.

I’m only 5’2 (and will be for the rest of my natural life) but trust me, I have grown. Those closest to me would probably agree that I haven’t experienced this level of happiness in some time. So with all of the beautiful people and opportunities that have both remained and entered in my life, how did I still manage to (as of recently) worry uncontrollably?

Women. I tell ya. Yikes!

To be fair, there have been quite a bit of changes going on in my life. For example, I’m graduating with a Bachelors in Communications from Temple University in May; my eldest daughter starts first grade in a week and my youngest is turning 3; and did I mention I’m graduating…like, it’s actually happening?

The possible (endless) outcomes of these life defining events flooded my mind and worked my nerves into overtime.

Tonight I experienced the first bright idea that I’ve had throughout the entire ordeal: Write it all down. The thoughts have been flying through my head at record speed and I’ve had no real way of grasping the root of the worrying.

So I used the first crisp, white sheet of paper in my new 5 subject notebook (yes I take notes in class) and created what is essentially, a self-help worksheet. I posed 3 questions to myself:

1. What am I scared of?

2. What can I do to quiet these fears?

3. What have I realized after analyzing the above?

By the time I completed the sheet, I was able to figure out the best way to move forward without anxiety and more importantly, without fear.

DEEP BREATH.

Okay, because (and only because) I would like to encourage you all to try the exercise (I want that on the record), I am going to share my answers with you. Feel free to comment with your own answers to the questions. I don’t think we share our fears enough; if we did we would finally realize that we are all human. We have fears and are motivated, for the better or worse, because of them.

So here it goes:

What am I scared of?

– I’m scared of failing.

– I’m scared of waking up one day and thinking, “What the hell happened? How did I get to this? Where did I go wrong?”

– I’m scared of my children not living comfortably (happy, healthy, etc) as a result of my actions and choices.

–  I’m scared of graduating from college only to struggling anyway.

– I’m scared of being fulfilled and in love only to have __________  happen (insert catastrophic love event).

– I’m scared I won’t make the impact on the world that I so desperately dream of.

What can I do to quiet these fears?

– Possess tunnel vision: success is the only outcome.

– Live with good intentions and love with a pure heart  (- Sincerely Syreeta)

– Focus on that which I can control and do so with grace and humility.

– Treat others how I want to be treated (sometimes it’s really just that simple).

– Work hard, give my best; love hard, forgive unconditionally.

– Remain dedicated to my goal of graduating…this is what all the hard work and painful growing has been for: the birth. Showtime.

– Never stop loving, forgiving or learning.  (-Sincerely Syreeta)

What have I realized after analyzing my answers?

– Fears are constricted: you can only express them by starting with “I’m scared of…” or “I fear…”.  I was never comfortable inside the box; I require more ways to express myself and those two just aren’t the option. Therefore, living in fear isn’t.

– While these are legitimate fears, they aren’t the sole possible outcome. Some of the most simplest solutions to fear are: love, forgiveness, determination, etc. I need to focus on those practices; they were created to conquer fear.

– I’m going to be okay. All I can do is give those that I love the best of me, learn from them for the better of the rest of me, and live proactively. I got this far.

++++++++++++++++

Well there you have it. Ugh, internet therapy. Bearing my soul to the entire 8 people who regularly visit my blog. Eh, hopefully you faithful visitors will be able to put this post to good use. And to anyone who may have happened upon this blog: I sincerely hope this has helped you to get even the smallest step closer to a little bit of peace and happiness in your life.

Leave the worrying to the warts, there’s a world to be conquered and love to be spread! 😉

-.Sincerely Syreeta.


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"Moving with a purpose, breathing with a passion."- Sincerely Syreeta

July 28, 2011